But I know better!

I've always had a very supporting family. A family with the philosophy of living your dreams. My family is realistic too, though. I've been told "remember not all things are possible" just as many times as "do your best to live your dreams", probably to avoid disappointments.

I was told the first thing when I first mentioned the idea of becoming a foreign exchange student.

Let me tell you about my mom. My mom is a single parent and she's retired at a really young age due to Arthritis and Fibermyalgia. Now, she's not the kind of person who just gives up because life is hard on her. I've never heard her complain about her situation once in my life, she never gives up because something is painful, you'll hardly ever see her in a bad mood, and she's always there to encourage me - even when I don't deserve it. She has raised me, more or less, on her own, and it hasn't always been easy on either of us. My mom is a fighter, and I'm proud to call her my mom.

So what's my point with this? She was the first person to tell me being a foreign exchange student probably wasn't going to be possible. Not because I didn't have the mentality for it or because she didn't think it was my dream, solely because we didn't have the amount of money it required. I could've given up right then and there. I could've found another dream I wanted to live, but I didn't. I'd seen my mom fight for her rights practically all of my life, so I wasn't just going to give up on one of my biggest dreams.

In a matter of days I'd found the cheapest exchange student organizations, and the ones with the best scholarships. I remember my mom looking at me hopelessly just waiting to have to encourage me in case my plans failed. It probably didn't help any that my hopes were higher than they ought to have been. That same week I found the one thing I needed, to make my dream come true. An organization that could give me a full scholarship. All I saw was that statement, I didn't pay attention to the fact that only one person would get it, or that I found out about it a few weeks before the application was due.

I obviously got the scholarship, and God probably had something to say in that decision or I have absolutely no idea how I got it.

So lets fast forward to today. All my fights to get to America paid off and now I stand here having to say goodbye to some of the best friends I've ever had. I did not prepare for this at all, and that was probably a huge mistake. I've enjoyed my year for sure, and that was the point of even going, but looking back I probably should have spent an hour or two preparing for the extremely hard days I'm about to experience. I had my first official goodbye this morning and it hurt. It was like a slap in the face. It physically hurt. It was like the starting shot to something terrible.

Yeah, now I have no idea how to end a post like this. I'm definitely going to miss Tonkawa, probably more so the people in Tonkawa. I'm going to miss hanging out with the worship team. I'm going to miss spending way too much time with Holly. I'm going to miss Colby making fun of my accent. I'm going to miss Josh sending out a text about band practice. I'm going to miss asking Paige for rides. I'm going to miss listening to Pastor Derrick preach. I'm going to miss everyone and everything.

All I have left to say is: Saturday, I'll leave a piece of my heart in Tonkawa, but I promise that one day I'll be back to pick it up.